Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.

I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don't want to construct the show to prove something.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

That's what YouTube's become, it's become like a lot of vloggers capitalizing on this sort of like "My fans, I love my fans, hey guys." I've grown up and kind of been disgusted by that. I think it's using people, I think it's like encouraging something that's unhealthy, telling people you love them. "I love you." Oh really, you love your fans? You love the people that give you money and attention? Of course you do, that's not selfless that you love your fans, that's ridiculous.