Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

I don't consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos.

I've found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.

Where are all the sour patch parents?