I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don't want to construct the show to prove something.

I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

Love is all about... whistles.

The average person has one Fallopian tube.