My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition.

There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.