I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.
I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.