Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.
I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.
I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.
Love is all about... whistles.
I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.