In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.