Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

Love is all about... whistles.