Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That's an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes. I try to be strong about it and assure myself that only my close friends and family can really pass judgement on me personally, but it's impossible to not let it get to you.

I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.