Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.