I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.

Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you're on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don't want to be onstage looking like a robot, I want to be at the end of the day very emotional and what feels like someone being up there rather than reciting things. That's always the challenge, to analyze and then somehow lose yourself in something you absolutely know backwards and forwards. And nothing's going to surprise you, but you have to be surprised by it and let it surprise you.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.