For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.