Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I don't think my opinion's that valid. They're just silly jokes. Usually I just take a topic that isn't funny at all, like Shakespeare, and work backwards. I just try to find an unfunny subject.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

The thing is, I was on YouTube like the golden era, I think. Before ads came in, it was really cool back then.

I'm bored way too easily. I'm staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.