I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
I just like to write and then perform.
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.
I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.