Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don't want to construct the show to prove something.

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.