It's not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage. I feel more like I'm doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.

My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

I just like to write and then perform.

The strength of comedy is I don't have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.