Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.