Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I've enjoyed watching.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

The strength of comedy is I don't have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.

Love is all about... whistles.

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.