The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

What's that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.