Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.