Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.