I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind.

People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don't want to construct the show to prove something.

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.