Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you're on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don't want to be onstage looking like a robot, I want to be at the end of the day very emotional and what feels like someone being up there rather than reciting things. That's always the challenge, to analyze and then somehow lose yourself in something you absolutely know backwards and forwards. And nothing's going to surprise you, but you have to be surprised by it and let it surprise you.

I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.