If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.

One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we'll have her forever.

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies