If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!