Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.