I felt I wasn't getting anywhere in England.

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.

Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They're even some guys wearing them. Don't laugh, if you had thought to of that, you'd not be here now.

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.