I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.

Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.