My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA!