Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.