Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!