Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.