Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.