I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.