Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!

Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.