I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.