Television. That's where movies go when they die.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!

Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.

I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.