Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you'll promise her anything.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.