Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.