Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.

Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don't worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.