Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Gerry Ford is easy to spot on the course. He drives the cart with the red cross painted on top.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

Television. That's where movies go when they die.