You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.

It's a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you'll be able to watch it all on TV.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.