Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we'll have her forever.

Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life. She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.