It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division.

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

I felt I wasn't getting anywhere in England.

For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green