A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.