I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

Television. That's where movies go when they die.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.