I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.