The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties