That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it's silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I'm breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That's what gives me the strength to break the club.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.