The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

Please don't stand up on my account.

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.