Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?