My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.