My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.