Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.