Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

With today's movies, if we took out all the bad language, we'd go back to silent films.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.