The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.