The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear's huge jaws. I wouldn't even try that with my agent.

Television. That's where movies go when they die.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.