The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.